Saturday, May 8, 2010

The Things Behind The Sun

Being an over-obsessive person, I'm almost always "in love" with someone/something. Thankfully, I haven't yet experienced the "real deal". Right now, I'm in love with coffee, supernatural, Jensen Ackles, Turquoise, dogs, Mumbai and, amongst other things, Nick Drake.

I first heard Nick's voice in Wes Anderson's The Royal Tenenbaums. I didn't really understand the song then...I ws going through my Happy period - I had friends, a family, a "screenplay", a future of riches, fame, power and admiration. Those, of course, were the days in the sun.

I didn't know there were things behind the sun. When there is light in my eyes, there is darkness in someone else's. It was bound to happen...bad days just had to come.

And it was in those days that I really appreciated Nick Drake. It was just one song, but that one tune made me cry, it made me cry during days I didn't know whether to weep or made me forget a tiny part of the pain and the sense of failure I felt...

Thanks, Nick.

I know, my "suffering" wasn't really suffering.There are people who die due to floods, famine, pollution, poverty and pain each day. What do I know of loss and hurt?

I just know one thing: those three months were the worst of my life.

Till yesterday, I had heard of only 7 Nick songs. Thanks to some random guy on the local hub, I now have 42.

Thanks, whoever you are.

I've put all the songs on repeat. I'm feeling happy. And a little weird.

That's because I'm in love with Nick Drake. I love all his songs...that almost never happens. Nick Drake is my guardian angel.

And I'll never get to meet him.

Yet I'll keep waiting for him, keep hoping that I'll meet him one day. Just like I hope that one day I'll get to meet the brother I never knew.

Now there are two people whose presence I'll always feel, despite being born years after their death.


To my brother:
I love you, and I always will.
I'll never meet you. I'll never feel your love. But I know you're there somewhere, watching over me.
When I was born, the only thing left of you was a memory...I wasn't lucky enough to share that. I never knew you. Yet, not a single day has passes without a quiet prayer, a prayer to know and love and hate and fight with a brother I never had....its like a permanent hole...I don't want a sibling, I want you. I want my brother to take care of me and protect me, to love me. And I know, that will never happen. But I wish it does. I pray to god it does. I love you, dear "bro", I love you