Thursday, August 12, 2010


I think I know who I am. And I am pretty sure I love the girl I see in my shadow.

11 months ago, I had forgotten the Shadow Girl. I regret it.

Its amazing how it only takes a few charming smiles and a handful of long words thrown in the sky to put a blindfold on you. I had a 3 month break. I finally figured out how to untie the knot.

Some people say I take things too literally. Maybe I do - I don't know. But till I get my brain analysed by a bunch of gloomy doctor, I prefer to think otherwise. Those who say/do bad things to you don't like you. Sure they can say sorry and you probably forgive them too...but I can't. And I won't.

Like I said, I (kind of) know who I am. I don't need to boost my self-confidence - I know exactly what I am. And all I ask is for everyone to love/hate that person. Not just another girl. Not just another human. I know I am different. I choose to be different.

I have always embraced my eccentricity, but I don't expect others to do so. Those poor souls who spend every little moment of their steady lives hiding behind elaborate masks can't possibly understand the freedom that comes with being "weird". I cherish every comment I receive about being "odd".

And yet I let some filthy cold-blooded sadists to morph me into a "regular" kid. Now that I can see, I realize that every great moment of my life in the past year was a lie. They were planned. And I fell for them.

I regret it. I will always regret it. And regrets keep piling up. One day that pile will tremble - those regrets will come down cascading like rocks. They will fall on me, on everything I am - I will cry, I will whimper; I will scream, shout and beg. But nobody will hear me. They won't help me. They'll give a pitiful half smile and call me "odd". And then they will just walk away.

"My aim in life", I tell people, "is to have no regrets".

I haven't completed twenty years and I already have quite a collection.

I don't know what this blog post is about, or what its supposed to mean - I just know that becoming someone else, trying to hide your individuality is not something that gets you a regret-free life. It just gets you a stifling hell.

1 comment:

  1. Touche. All the things you regret now are just tiny things that come along with being different, being yourself, honest, innocent. But living your entire life hiding yourself is much much worse. Thats real regret..the rest are just bumps on your path :)