Saturday, December 4, 2010

My mom needs to rethink her definition of "perfect".

So my parents are at my cousins wedding. I'm still here, def. not studying and positively thankful that coll doesn't give us free time during December.

Why? Because I really don't wanna be where my mom is right now.

Okay fine, I admit it - I don't really know my cousin (I have only met her twice). I might be able to recognize her in a photo, but  if she waves at me from across the street, it'll probably take me a while to remember who she is. So I guess I shouldn't despise her. But I do. You see, the one thing I do remember about the chick in question is that she falls into the category I like to call Bloated Ego Tiny Brained Non Artist (BETBNA - pronounced "bet-bna") Okay, before we proceed, lets go over the definition of a BETBNA.

Betbna's are people who although artistic, aren't true artists. They are narcissists who think that they know more than you ever will. They assume that they are the supreme authority when it comes to the finer things in life for you, you regular, uninteresting soul do not understand the brilliance of true artistry. To them, you are no better than a gorilla in pants. Don't get me wrong, I love artists. I am fortunate enough to know some really talented ones. But. They are not the ones I am talking about. Come on, you've probably met one too - can you think of a person who kept trying to "one-up" you each time you met him/her? They are hypocrites and like using words/talking about things they don't understand. And if you tell them that you are studying to be an engineer, they'll probably look down at you. Oh and BTW, some people don't feel the need to actually be creative to be a BETBNA. They are just shallow no-talent douchebags trying be everything they are not. I call them Super-BETBNA's.

Okay, back to the the topic. The cousin who got married today is a BETBNA. And according to my mom, her dear husband is wonderful. The way my mommy dearest has praised my Bro-In-Law, you'd think he's Captain Planet, Danny Ocean, Mark Zuckerberg and Gomez Addams all rolled in one.

I actually talked to the guy.

And no, he does not seem to be some Captain Planet/Danny Ocean/Mark Zuckerberg/Gomez Addams hybrid.

First of all, I think my mom needs to be reminded that I hate talking to people that:
a. I don't like.
b. I don't know.
But I'm sure she's gonna forget it anyway. Like today, when she called me up and pretty much tricked me into talking to my BETBNA cousin. Now I ask you, what do you say to  a person who sounds bored when she says "hi" to you on the phone? Moreover, what do you say to a guy you don't know and don't wanna know, who just happens to be on the other side of the line. You can't say "Nice meeting you" because you haven't actually met the person.

 I said "nice talking to you",to which he replied, in what seems to be his characteristic 'I-have-no-idea-what-I'm-doing-here' voice: "nice talking to you too...I guess..."

I GUESS? I-fucking-guess? Oh weetle boy, you don't guess, you know. And you know why you know? 'Tis coz Taurme don't speak to random losers like you. The fact that I bothered to sound nice should be enough to make your whole freaking life worthwhile.

There are no guesses. It isn't just nice talking to me, its is fucking tele-nirvana.

I seriously have no clue what my mum saw in this marshmallow of a man. Huh. The perfect man would be that guy who can leave me speechless in a telephone conversation.

So I guess I'm on the path that leads to the life of spinsterhood.

Good thing I like cats.

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