I miss...

I miss waking up in my double bed.

The big comfy one that I can roll around in.

I miss looking out of the window the moment I wake up.

The smog and the grey clouds seem so beautiful now.

I miss waking up to my mom's voice.

I miss wishing my dad a good day with sleepy eyes.

I miss the beautiful dark wood in my room.

I miss the dusty old books on the shelves.

I miss picking them up.

I miss the old-book smell that comes from their yellowed pages.

I miss curling up next to my army of cuddlies

and reading my favourite books.

I miss the forever-busy kitchen.

Full of vegetables and interesting smells.

I miss seeing my dad as the ill-tempered Head Chef.

And mum, poor mum, always the Sous-Chef.

I miss the awkward elevator rides with people I don't know.

I miss meeting the beautiful pets that live there.

I miss my white building and black car.

I miss my neighbour - so crazy and so awesome.

I miss the daily ordeal of getting to my College.

The auto-calling, the bus-riding days.

I miss my college friends,

the young, fresh, intelligent kids, set to take over the world.

I miss my Travel-friend and my Screenplay-partner.

I miss writing with one and talking with the other.

I miss the places we would frequent.

I miss the Lays and the Gelatos and the Panipuris.

Oh how much I miss Powai!

I miss walking around Hiranandani.

I miss the beautiful buildings and the little roads.

I miss losing myself in the Powai crowd.

I miss my favourite places.

The wonderful crossword bookstore.

The lovely little L'Amour library.

The dreamy Bread Talk cheesecake.

I miss going to Galleria.

Finding knick-knacks, haggling.

I miss sitting in Aromas,

the very best part of my day is spent there.

I miss my school.

It seems so long ago.

I never thought I'd miss those I wanted to forget.

But I do, I miss them all.

I miss going to Vashi.

The dirty roads, the loudmouths, the stench.

The warmth, the comfort, the joy.

The joy of belonging to some place.

I miss going to Sanpada and Koper Khairane.

I miss walking into my friend's house like it were my own.

And it was my own.

Oh how I miss them, my soul sisters, my best friends.

I miss going out with my mum,

having lunch and talking,

I miss visiting my dad at work.

I miss hearing him lecture me.

I miss the fear and dread monsoon used to bring.

I miss praying for floods, just to get out of going to school.

I miss the torrential rain, the muddy roads, the angry crowd,

the happy children, the pakoras, the books, the coffee and the umbrellas.

I miss driving around the Queen's Necklace.

I miss Crossroads (RIP), Haji Ali, and Bandra.

I miss Worli  and Its busy roads.

I miss Colaba and its aging buildings.

I miss my favourite restaurants.

I won't be able to celebrate my birthday in Gaylord.

Or go to Tea Center for the tea.

Mahesh Lunch Home seems so far away.

And Oh Calcutta? You will never be as good as my dad.

I miss watching people at work.

I miss admiring the residents of Dharavi.

I miss seeing the dabbawallas on their daily route.

I miss the colourful people, cultures and places that define Mumbai.

I miss knowing my place in the world.

I miss being a part of something.

I miss my home.

I miss my city.

No matter where I stay or what I do,

No place would mean half as much as Mumbai does.

It is the city of Dreams and the city of Reality.

And I miss it so much.

50 Before 20: This time no procrastination!

I'm turning twenty in one month and a few hours. Needless to say, I am freaking out. I feel as though I have accomplished nothing in the past 20 years,. Like most people I have a few certificates and a decent cgpa - but that's not what I'm talking about. I feel like I have failed to develop/accomplish something as a person, as an individual, as me. And the last thing I want to do is grow up feeling like a failure.

This is why I made a list of things - 9 areas and 50 things. They are neither interesting nor difficult, they are simply things I want to do, just to prove to myself that I am not as horrible as I think I am. The list includes:

7 blog posts

10 doodles

1 short story

1 play

3 poems

15 thank-you notes

5 "good movies" (open for suggestions)

5 new dishes (ditto ) *pescetarian alert*

3 new friends

I know some of them sound really lame (like the last one), but I really do feel that accomplishing all of this will not only make me feel good, but also help me improve as a person (or, to be more specific, help me improve as ME).

The ideal land and the ideal life

It has become a ritual now...I feel like blogging every time I feel unwell. Right now, a cold-blooded, sharp, ivory white tooth is tearing through the soft, tender skin of my gums. Gawd, that hurts. I don't think I like/need a wisdom tooth. I was happy (and mostly pain-free)  being an ignorant fool.

Thursday was was the last day of our college techfest. The Guest of Honour was none other than the superlady, Dr. Kiran Bedi. She spoke about two hours, explaining the what/why/when/how of the Jan Lokpal Bill. Sitting there, listening to Kiran Bedi speak, was a surreal moment - just being in the company of someone as interesting and admirable as her can make your day.

She told us about their bill and how it was better than the draft lokpal bill. She gave examples, statistics, ideas and what not. I admit, I don't completely believe in the Jan Lokpal Bill - the cynic in me isn't conviinced that this bill will be the solution we are all looking for. However, now is not the time to check its effectiveness. What this bill gives us is a chance, a chance to change the way things are being dealt with. And that, I whole heartedly believe in.

I may not be able to appreciate the beauty of the draft proposed by IAC, but I can admire the fierce passion with which Dr. Bedi speaks about her motherland. Its a beautiful thing... I wish I cherished something as much as she cherishes her country - that alone would make my life worth living.

In Rushmore, when Herman Blume asked Max his secret, Max said "I think you just gotta find something that you love to do and do it for the rest of your life".

I just hope I find my Rushmore one day.

Needs v/s Wants

One of the first things we learnt in Marketing was the difference between a "need" and a "want". From a marketer's perspective, the difference was clear and simple -a  need was described as something that one had to have and a  want as something one would like to have. For example, take the difference between needing an iphone and wanting an iphone - you can tell exactly which category you belong to without extensive soul-searching. While studying all of this, I never considered applying the needs-wants idea to one's emotions. Take, for example, something as simple as happiness - do you need happiness or do you want happiness? Which of the two options is exactly right?

When you consider Happiness to be a need, you are stating that the absence of the same would cause a negative outcome, which, as per Wikipedia can be anything from dissatisfaction to death. Now, I do know people who are so hell bent on being happy that even a minor setback in their "Perky-Plan" drives them nuts. So yes, Happiness can be a need.

Lets think about the second option now - Happiness as a want- something that you would like to have. Take me for example - like every other (average) human soul, I would like to be happy. Being unhappy won't ruin anything for me (in fact, I'm the melancholic kind), but yes, being happy would make me happy. So I guess in my case, happiness is a want.

Yesterday I realized that there are a thousand little things that I don't actually "need", but I call them that anyway. To be honest, I can't think of anything that I really really need (emotionally). I have a million wants, but that's what they are - wants. I don't need people to love/respect/fear/admire me (I know many who do); I don't need a particular person/feeling in my life (it would be great to have them, but I'll do just fine without them); I don't need to be something/someone better (I have survived 20 years like this, I think I can handle life a little longer)

I know this sounds like a very obvious conclusion, but it took me the better part of the weekend to figure it out - if we don't really need something, why do we let its absence influence us?

And what doesn all of this mean? Well, that's simple - from now on, I'm not going to let something I don't have dictate the way I feel about people/things/situation. If I need it, I will get it. If I don't need it, screw it!

Movie Marathon!

I am so glad my mom's collecting classic hindi movies!

Right now I have Silsila, Padosan, Masoom, Satte pe Satta, Pakeezah, Chasme Baddoor, Chupke chupke, Golmaal and Bawarchi stacked right next to my laptop - today is gonna be awesome!

The teenagers can keep their 3 idiots', Patiala House's and "Anjaana Anjaani's, I prefer the quintessential Hindi movies: old and clichéd, full of drama and songs - so very Indian! Ya know, no matter how many schmaaart movies you show me, I'm always gonna remain a purani-hindi-film buff. Kya karein, aaj kal ke logon mein woh baat kahan...

Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go swoon over Raaj Kumar

आपके पाऊँ देखे, बहुत हसीं हैं; इन्हें ज़मीन पर मत उतारियेगा , मैले हो जायेंगे....

*swoon*